We often don't see our own stories as stories. Sure, we know about fairy tales and movies, but we also have these little tales we tell ourselves inside our heads. They shape how we see the world and who we think we are.

But what happens when these stories twist reality against us?

I love exploring human nature. I love learning about what makes us tick. I often wonder:

Who am I really? Why do I think I'm like that?

It's a tough question. Finding the answer means knowing yourself and looking deep inside. I'm still figuring it out.

Now, I'm sure that we can rewrite our own stories. It doesn't matter if they seem permanent. A story is only good if it helps us in some way. You wouldn't enjoy a movie with a bad plot, right? So, why stick with a bad story in your own life?

Before we dive deeper, if you're not into:

• Thinking in new ways

• Getting to know yourself better

• Discovering the narratives we spin in our minds

• Understanding the power of our personal stories

• Changing negative stories into ones that help us grow

Then this newsletter might not be for you. But if these ideas grab your interest, stick around. You might find something valuable here.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

What are these stories we tell ourselves, and why do they matter?

Stories are at the heart of being human. We live and understand life through them. They shape our identity, showing us our values and our place in this world.

Imagine a world without stories. We'd be lost, wandering with no direction or meaning.

We create stories for many reasons. They might come from our deep need for safety. They can protect us from tough times or help us figure things out.

You Are Trapped in Your Own Story. Does It Serve You?

We can't just walk away from our own stories. That inner voice, constantly crafting tales, isn't going anywhere. But what happens when it starts lying to you?

"I'm just not good at this."

"Bad things always happen to me; I'm just unlucky."

"I deserve success without having to work for it."

"If I fail, I am a failure."

"It's not my fault I didn't make it; it's the system's fault."

"Everyone else is better than me; I'll never catch up."

"If it's not perfect, why bother?"

You might recognize some of these thoughts. I know I have. At times, I even believed them.

A big challenge I faced was comparing myself to others: "Everyone else is ahead, and I'm just falling behind."

It felt like I was always the last one to show up. In every new venture, I felt left out, watching others way ahead of me. This wasn’t just discouraging; it led me to jump from one idea to another.

From graphic design to trading, then to web design, followed by dropshipping, and even a fast food business. I never stayed long enough to succeed.

And it all came down to the story I was telling myself.

Rewrite Your Story or Miss Your Life

When I researched this topic, I realized it’s much deeper than I thought. Every fear, every doubt, and every action that holds us back is tied to a story. And they're all connected.

The Roots Of Fear

I was never bullied. Most of my childhood was happy and simple. Filled with friends and generally free from trouble. Yet, I spent much of my life wrapped in fear.

But fear of what? I had no obvious reason to be afraid.

It came down to a fear of myself: fear of failing, being judged, looking foolish, or being disliked.

In secondary school, I was the kid who had it all: brains, sports skills, humor, and popularity. But when I moved to college in the big city, everything changed. New friends and bad habits led me to neglect my studies and lose my self-esteem. I became a shadow of my former self. I was suddenly disliked by my teachers and classmates. I was isolating myself from everyone.

I wish I had seen things as clearly then as I do now.

Entering adult life, I was still trapped in that fearful mindset. Deep down, I knew I had potential, but fear held me back. My mind was haunted by the fear of repeating past mistakes, stopping me every time I tried to step up.

This fear turns into a cycle. The more you're afraid, the more you stick to that scared way of living.

Fear shapes the stories we tell ourselves. Living in fear, you see yourself as a victim, controlled by external forces or overwhelming emotions. And once you see yourself as a victim, you start thinking and acting like one.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Our stories define us. They embed ideas of our worth, skills, and capabilities into our identity. To change a harmful belief, we have to challenge the entire story it’s part of.

It's Not Over When You Tell Yourself It's Over

Our brains are incredible. They can change, grow, and form new connections all through our lives. This amazing ability, called neuroplasticity, means we're never stuck with the stories we tell ourselves.

I've always been skeptical about just repeating positive affirmations. But they can make a difference if you pair them with real actions.

Simply saying "I am not afraid anymore" a hundred times isn't going to cut it. You need to step out and prove to yourself that fear doesn't control you. It's about combining positive thinking with actions that reinforce that belief. Real change comes from changing both your inner talk and your behavior.

Transform Negative Thinking

It's easy to dwell on the negatives or beat ourselves up over mistakes. But what if we shifted that focus to what we've learned and the opportunities ahead?

Instead of saying, "I always mess up," try thinking, "Every mistake teaches me something new. I'm getting better every day."

A Simple Framework to Shift Your Thoughts:

1. Spot the Negative Thought: Write down a negative belief that's been bothering you, like "I'm not skilled enough"

2. Personify the Thought: Name this negative thought – call it "The Critic" or any name that works for you. This separates you from the negativity and makes it easier to challenge.

3. Challenge the Thought: Ask yourself key questions like, "When did I start believing this?" or "What evidence do I have against this negative belief?"

4. Craft a New Story: Based on your reflections, write a counter-narrative. Turn "I'm not skilled enough" into "I've handled [specific tasks] well. I am always learning and improving. "

5. Plan and Act: Think about how this new, positive story feels. What actions can reinforce this belief? List small, achievable steps that reflect your new, positive mindset.

6. Review and Refine: Keep coming back to this process, especially when negativity tries to take over. Update your story and actions as you grow and learn.

This method isn't just about changing how you talk to yourself; it's about creating a narrative that uplifts and empowers you, supported by real-life actions.

Stories Are Just... Stories

Our personal stories are just ways we try to understand our experiences. Even if the stories aren't always accurate, our experiences are real.

Many of these stories start in our childhood and are based on limited perspectives. But as we grow, we gain the strength to look back and change those old stories to reflect our current, wiser selves. We can decide which stories help us grow and which ones hold us back. We can even reframe our current situations into stories that motivate and help us grow.

Changing your story isn’t easy. It means letting go of old beliefs that hold you back and embracing a broader, more positive view of your life.

Reboot Your Personal Narrative

1. Find Your Story:

Realize you might be living a story that doesn't help you. It could be so deep-set that it feels like the only truth. Talk to someone neutral, like a friend who listens well. They can help you spot the big patterns in your story from a clear point of view.

2. Question Your Story:

Start doubting how true or useful your old story is. It's normal to hold on to what we know, even if it holds us back. Be open to the idea that there's a better, stronger way to look at your life.

3. Write Your New Story:

Know that changing your story doesn't mean you have to write like a famous author. It means changing how you see things and finding a new way to think. This change is more about how you feel and think than about writing anything down.

4. Live Your New Story:

Understand that making a new story is just the start. The big changes happen when you live by this new story every day. Think of it like strengthening a muscle – your new view needs regular practice to become part of you.

Changing your story is the first step to changing your life. Remember, every day is a new page. Keep living by your new narrative, and reach out for support when you need it. You have the power to rewrite your future, one thought at a time.